Emo-ing

I know I've been emo these days. Not only these days. I think it started few weeks ago. I wonder why everything seems going on with the wrong path. About my family member, my studies, my friendship, my love matter. It's just everything. And I wonder how long could I bear it? Do I really have the ability to bear it?

You might see me smiling or even laughing. But I'm not happy. Totally NOT. I feel so aimless and tired with my current life. I tried to escape and I tried to really enjoy myself in everything I do. But when I got alone, there's a sound deep in my heart asking :"Why did you do such thing?" Why do I exist on this world while everything I've done is going to hurt those people.

If there's no ME on this world, there wouldn't be anyone who is going to show black face or even quarrel with HER. If there's no ME on this world, there wouldn't be anyone who is going to hurt HIM for so long. If there's no ME on this world, there wouldn't be anyone who is going to make HER suffer throughout these years. If there's not ME on this world, I wouldn't get so depressed like what I'm feeling right now. How nice the world would be! Their lives would be so wonderful without me.

I know how emotional and childish I am. And I wonder what take me here? I've forgotten what I have been holding on for so long. And yeah, I hate the current me. A LOT. I hate myself for being so useless. I hate myself for hurting you guys. And I'm not going to beg for you guys to forgive me because I know a girl like me doesn't worth at all. Blame me, hate me, leave me. You decide it. I'm tired to explain anymore.

I'm really sorry...